I guess I should start a few days earlier, on February 2nd. I was 41 weeks along at the time and it was also the date I would actually have loved to give birth on. I had been having contractions on and off since my last check-up two days earlier, but still not the real deal. Klaas and I went for a walk and spent some time at my parents' house finishing up my last baby project (more on that later!). These contractions kept coming irregularly until Tuesday, which is when the gynaecologist had ordered me to come in for another monitoring and a check-up. I knew from the Friday before that I was already dilated 3 centimeters so I was really hoping for even more progress since I'd had all those contractions. I spent about 45 minutes on the monitor and everything was ok. Then I went down to the gynaecologist's office but she had been called away for another delivery which would take at least another hour, so I decided to just come back in the afternoon for my check-up.
By 2.45 pm I was back at the hospital for said check-up. My cervix was effacing even more and I was dilated almost to a 4. The baby's head was lodged in my pelvis but it still hadn't dropped completely. The gynaecologist then told me that they usually wait until 42 weeks but because the baby was already so big and still hadn't fully dropped, it would be unsafe to go 2 weeks past my due date. We could still have waited another week, she said, but then we would really risk the baby not being able to pass anymore. She apologized profusely, saying that she knew this really wasn't what I had wanted, but that she did want to schedule an induction. I was a bit shocked when she told me to come in the next night, on Wednesday for an induction Thursday morning. I was a bit upset that I would be induced after all and felt kind of stupid for always saying that I refused to have an induction. Still, I knew that it would be unsafe to go any further and I had also prepared myself for just this, so I was okay with it.
I went home around 3.30 pm and shared the news with the other women on my private Facebook group (we were all due in January and met on a forum. I was the LAST ONE to have her baby.). Then I cried a little because suddenly it was all getting very real and I actually knew when our baby would be born. I kept having contractions.
Seeing as this was a Tuesday, we had dinner pretty early and Klaas left for his photography class at 5.45 pm. I was still on the couch when at around 5.50 pm something weird happened. (Here's when I start to paint a very vivid image...) It was like I felt a "thud" on the inside of my butt (I feel uncomfortable writing this down, you guys!) while at the exact same time hearing/feeling this "plock"-sound on the inside of my belly. I was completely confused as to what had just happened and I immediately became aware of the fact that I was sitting on a couch that wasn't waterproof. I didn't feel anything "leaking" out of me, but I got up nonetheless and decided to walk around a bit, to see if my water had just broken. Nothing really happened, but when I went to the bathroom I felt that tiny gushes of water were leaving my body. I was still kind of in denial and thought that it was probably some lube left over from my check-up earlier. The water wasn't really clear though, it was more yellowish, so I really wasn't sure just what it was. At the same time that I felt and heard the thud-and-plock, I started having regular contractions. I had just downloaded an app to time my contractions, so I got my cell and started timing them. For the next hour or so I went to the bathroom three or four times. I had read about your body "cleansing" itself right before you go into labor, so I guess that was what was happening right then.
I kept my Facebook group up to date about what was happening and they were all convinced that I was going into labor. I still didn't want to believe it, so I called my mom at 6.57 pm. She could hear me breathing deeply and instinctively during my contractions, which by the way came at 3 to 5 minute intervals right from the start, so she was pretty convinced too. I spent about 20 minutes on the phone with her and then I called the maternity ward to see if I should go in. I told them that I thought my water had broken and that I had regular contractions, so they told me to come right in so that they could check whether this was the real deal. I called my mom back and told her that I'd be going to the hospital and then I texted Klaas, who still didn't even know anything was up! I didn't want to alarm him just in case it turned out to be false labor, but I guess that by then there was no denying anymore. Klaas first texted me back asking whether I was serious (I'd pranked him earlier that day, I think) and then he left to come pick me up. We packed some last items like my toothbrush and the nursing pillow and then we left. I felt really nervous when we got to the hospital, feeling like I didn't belong there. It was so weird. By 8.15 pm we were checked in and lead to the labor/delivery room. We got installed and the midwife asked me some questions like how I wanted to give birth (underwater), whether I wanted an epidural (no, I did not), etc. Then it turned out that the yellowy water really did mean that the amniotic fluid was meconium-stained. Bye bye, water birth! I was pretty bummed about that, because I had my heart set on the whole water experience even from before I was actually pregnant, but I quickly got over it and realized that this baby would come out, bath or no bath.
The midwife checked my progress around 8.45 pm and I was already dilated a little over 5 centimeters, which was great! She helped the rest of the amniotic fluid out of my stomach, which was suuuuch a weird feeling and then I got on the bouncing ball. I really liked it (although I hadn't during the prenatal classes) and just rhythmically bounced up and down during my contractions while breathing in and out very deeply and slowly. Klaas was pushing on my lower back to provide some counter pressure because my back was killing me during those contractions. I was still feeling pretty good and Klaas and I were still joking in between contractions. Around 10.10 pm the gynaecologist came to check up on me and told me I had progressed to a 6. I felt great, gaining 1 centimeter every hour (and a half), so I was pretty confident that I would have the baby in a few hours. The baby still hadn't dropped further but I wasn't too worried about that. I was being monitored during my entire labor because the baby's heart rate was pretty high and they wanted to make sure that it was doing alright at all times. I was still handling my contractions really well and although they were getting pretty intense I could still manage them. I was extremely aware of why I was going through all of this and I felt great knowing that my body was doing what it was supposed to do.
At midnight I was checked again. The pain had gotten almost unbearable by then so I was confident that I would have progressed to 8 or 9 centimeters and that it would all be over soon, but no such luck. I was still at 6 centimeters, despite all of the pain and the contractions having become so much worse. This was when I mentally "broke". I was so disappointed that all of my hard work over the last hours had done nothing. My contractions often lasted 2 whole minutes and most of the time there wasn't even a whole minute between them, so I knew I couldn't go through with this for another 4 centimeters. Still, I didn't want to ask for an epidural so I sucked it up and tried to power through. The midwife called the gynaecologist who kind of insisted that I get an epidural because I wasn't making any progress anymore and there were some risks involved what with the meconium-stained amniotic fluid and the baby still being so high up. I was also told the epidural would help my cervix dilate to a 10. When I look back on that moment, I think the gynaecologist ordered the epidural because she thought a c-section might be necessary in the end, although they didn't tell me that at the time.
So at 1 am they hooked me up to an IV to get a liter of fluids into my body and then at 2 I would get the epidural. That was the longest hour of my labor. Knowing that relief was underway, but having to wait a full hour to get it. Still, the whole experience was so weird, because we were there for an entire night, yet for me, time flew. It was like it was all over in the blink of an eye.
So anyway, I got the epidural at 2 am and the midwife told me that I was in luck because "the good anesthesiologist" was on call. She said his epidurals always worked wonderfully. But what do you know? Mine didn't. I could still feel my contractions on the right side of my stomach, even after extra shots. The midwives and anesthesiologist ordered me to rest a bit so that I was refreshed by the time I got to 10 centimeters and was allowed to start pushing, but since the epidural didn't work properly, rest was out of the question.
This is when my memories start to get a little blurry. I don't know when my dilation was next checked but at 6.55 am I was, to the best of my knowledge, STILL at a 6 and waiting for the gynaecologist to come check on me. There were 4 of us in labor, so she was doing another delivery at the moment. Right after 7 am she got to my room, checked me and said... "Ok, you're good to go, you're at 10 centimeters." I literally couldn't believe it. I was convinced that I would still be at a 6 and I had been mentally preparing for a c-section all night - I was even ok with that. Then I had to wait for the woman who was giving birth at that moment to "finish" and then it was my turn. I got so nervous as the prospect of "IT" finally happening that I threw up a little. Sooo embarrassing, haha!
At 8 am, I started pushing, along with a midwife and Klaas by my side. As soon as I was allowed to push during my contractions, I didn't feel pain anymore. Having had the epidural, this was all very weird. I did feel pressure, but I didn't feel the urge to push. I also didn't have this adrenalin rush from all the pain, so in a way, it all seemed very matter-of-fact. Around 8.25 am the gynaecologist came to check and the midwife said that the baby was coming down every time I pushed but that she suspected it was in the wrong position. The gynaecologist checked and confirmed that the baby was posterior (or at least I think that's what it's called in English... In Dutch, we call babies who are born that way 'sterrenkijkers'), which meant that it wouldn't be coming out on its own as it was lying face-up instead of face-down. The gynaecologist then told me what I had feared. We would be going to an OR to try to turn the baby using vacuum extraction. If that worked, I would be delivering our baby myself. If it didn't, I would be having a c-section. Then everything happened really fast. Before I knew it, two midwives were rolling my bed down the hall to the OR, with Klaas rolling the monitor behind me and trying to keep up. I remember having contractions and feeling the need to push as they were rolling me down the hall. The midwife told me I could push my contractions away, which I thought was weird. I was scared of accidentally pushing the baby out, but seeing as it was posterior, I guess that was virtually impossible.
The people in the OR didn't really seem to realize why they were bringing me there, thinking that I was being prepared for a c-section. I got on the table/bed in the OR and a midwife got on behind me and put my head in her lap. Meanwhile the gynaecologist put the vacuum extractor on the baby's head and another midwife positioned herself beside me. The gynaecologist told me to push as hard as I could and as I did so, she started pulling the vacuum and the midwife beside me pushed along on my belly. I was in excruciating pain, even with the extra epidural shot they had given me a few minutes before. At some point I felt the gynaecologist perform an episiotomy and I thought "great, that too..." I kept pushing and pushing and I remember thinking "Come on, hasn't this baby turned by now?!" when all of a sudden I heard the gynaecologist say that I could "have the baby" in just a few more pushes. I was beyond confused. There I was, thinking that they would just be turning the baby in the OR and that, if that had worked, they would wheel me back to the delivery room to push the baby out.
So I kept pushing and then all of a sudden he was there. On February 5th at 8.58 am, I opened my eyes (they had urged me to look when he was almost out, but I cried out "No!" and kept my eyes closed) and saw them holding Elliot over me. My first thought was: "Look at all that hair!" and my second thought was: "He looks exactly like Klaas!" I only remember fragments of the hours that followed, but I believe they wrapped him up and put him on my chest for Klaas and I to admire. Elliot was crying at the top of his lungs and I remember worrying about that, because he literally didn't stop. At some point they took him away and put him on a little table a few meters away and I kept looking over, to see what they were doing. After a while I noticed them pushing my stomach again (and then once more when I was back in my room...) because apparently there was a lot of blood and a lot of blood clots left in there, which is also why I was given an extra bag of blood a day later. They stitched me up and then we were brought to our room to rest a little and to enjoy the first moments as a family of three. After a while we called our parents and told them the good news.
Klaas later told me that he had had a really hard time during the delivery. He said the gynaecologist was almost on her knees when she was pulling the vacuum and he had seen all the blood when I got the episiotomy. And then when Elliot was out and Klaas first saw our son, he had to push back tears, he said. I'm sorry I didn't see that, because I've almost never seen Klaas get emotional, but I was just too out of it and wrapped up in myself to notice anyone around me. This is also why I didn't get that Big In Love Feeling that aaaaalll mothers (I'm holding a sarcasm sign over here) get right after they see their child for the first time, but I did instantaneously feel a very strong maternal instinct kick in, like "This is my baby and I have to feed and protect him because I'm all he has".
We thought he was beautiful right from the start (even with his face still squishy from being born :-)), but he's getting more handsome every day.
After getting him weighed, measured and cleaned up a bit.
I just now realize how tired Klaas looked. At the time I thought he looked great compared to me. ^^
Day 2, after his first bath.
The sugar beans.
Washing him all by myself for the first time.
I got Klaas this onesie as a gift to announce my pregnancy to him. :)
Two teasers Klaas posted on his blog and on our Facebook pages.
These last 6 pictures are obviously taken with my iPhone.
Certainly not the greatest of photographs but so so dear to me.
It's funny because when I was pregnant, I was always scared that I wouldn't be able to do it without pain relief. Now I know that, if I hadn't gotten stuck at 6 centimeters (which happened because of Elliot's posterior position), I would've probably hit 8 or 9 centimeters by the time my contractions became "unbearable". And then I would've powered through, because I would have known that there was light at the end of the tunnel. The gynaecologist later told me that a posterior position usually only happens with a first child, so I have good hopes for a second delivery without an epidural.
All in all, this was the exact opposite of how I had envisioned giving birth to Elliot, yet at the same time it was the exact same birth as I had been preparing for all my life, since it's how I myself was born. I think it's also why I already sometimes long for a second baby, to "make it right".
Still, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, because Elliot's more than worth it. He's the sweetest, most perfect baby ever and I love him more than anything in the world.
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