Week 40

I made it! I'm still here!

I saw that picture and didn't like it. Klaas didn't understand what was wrong so I went over to his computer to check it out and it looked like a completely different photograph. I think the color settings on our computers are different or something, because his version of the picture is a lot warmer and richer than mine. I hope what you're all seeing is his version instead of mine.

I made sure I was wearing the same dress as in my 20- and 30-week photo, so we'd be able to compare how my belly has changed. He sent me the picture above and said that he doesn't recognize the Joyce from the picture on the left anymore, and apparently, I don't either. You see yourself in the mirror every day, so you don't notice your body and face changing (seriously, what is up with my face? Not only is it a lot fatter, it has actually changed shape!). This picture confronted me with how skinny I was even at 20 weeks and made me feel ridiculous for ever thinking of myself as "slightly chubby". So of course I went on to sit on the couch and cry for 15 minutes because I'm scared I'll never look like the old me again. Hormones are a bitch.

Other than that, I still feel the same as always. I do think I've had some actual contractions this week and I feel as though my body is definitely getting ready to go into labor, although it could still take another 2 weeks. I have another appointment at the gynaecologist's tomorrow and I really hope all of those cramps and contractions have done some more work in the dilating department. I already know I'll miss my pregnant belly and feeling the baby's kicks, though. It's still easy to pretend that the baby's all mine, because I don't have to share it with anyone. I'm the one carrying and nurturing it, and keeping it safe and sound. I'm still pretty mellow about having reached my due date and I'm not wishing it would "come out already!!", but I am really starting to long for our baby now. I just want us to be able to hold it, to see what and who it looks like and what kind of person it will turn out to be. Double feelings, indeed. :)